Our Stories
Jonah
By Debbie Hancock | posted 08/02/2007
"God said, "What's this? How is it that you can change your feelings from pleasure to anger overnight about a mere shade tree that you did nothing to get? You neither planted nor watered it. It grew up one night and died the next night. So, why can't I likewise change what I feel about Nineveh from anger to pleasure, this big city of more than 120,000 childlike people who don't yet know right from wrong, to say nothing of all the innocent animals?"" (Jonah 4:10-11, The Message)
The other morning, it was a Sunday morning to be specific, I was heading out the door to come to church and a loved one reminded me (for the fifth time) to "water the flowers and take the garbage bins to the curb". Mom and Jeff were heading to the lake for the long holiday weekend and I would be left home alone. My response was a terse "I got it". At that point the conversation cascaded into a transaction of words that were hurtful and offensive. It made me want to run away. I really don't know where I would go but it is in those times I ask God to help me keep my eyes on Him. I ask Him to remind me of the forgiveness He has made real in my life and to help me forgive again.
There are times, I am sorry to say, that I don't want to spend eternity with this person. I ask for forgiveness for that. I ask for healing in my relationships. I ask God to help me love because sometimes I just don't want to.
Then, that Sunday morning, Keith spoke the story of Jonah. I related to Jonah in a way I never have before. Putting myself in the story of Jonah I saw myself in the belly of the fish. The picture was clear. In the days (months and years, in my case) in the belly of the fish God is changing my heart and is teaching me about forgiveness. It is unforgiveness that keeps me bound to my "old way of thinking and doing". It is forgiveness that is setting me free. That reluctant move that God orchestrated some eight years ago brought me home to my Nineveh. I was spewed out at the doorstep of my family.
I can relate to Jonah's terse message to those in Nineveh. At times my words and deeds have been less than ideal. Thankfully God has intervened anyway to change the whole dynamic of this place that I live. The place I ran away from and feared and hated for so many years is the place I call home again.
I am like Jonah. I still complain. God is healing my family. One member at a time they are turning to God and away from their evil ways. He sees them as little children "who don't yet know right from wrong" as it says in the Message. I know I should be eternally grateful. But I guess I am conditionally grateful. I am so glad God doesn't love me as I love. I am so glad God loves us with a pure unconditional eternal Love. That glimmer of an understanding is what I cling to as tight as I can. I long to love like that.
I am just barely starting to wrap my head around that Love. It is painful and exhilarating and awful and wonderful all at the same time. I imagine it's kind of like a ride in the belly of a big fish.
There are times when I want to run away. There are times when my friends encourage me to get out. I bathe those times in prayer. I want to be where Jesus wants me. For right now I am hearing that home with my family is where God wants me. So here is where I will obediently wait and watch God change my family dynamic as we turn our eyes toward him.
And I won't forget to water the flowers and take the bins to the curb.
Debbie
To respond to this message, email Debbie at djh_is@truthrelationshippurpose.com.
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"God said, "What's this? How is it that you can change your feelings from pleasure to anger overnight about a mere shade tree that you did nothing to get? You neither planted nor watered it. It grew up one night and died the next night. So, why can't I likewise change what I feel about Nineveh from anger to pleasure, this big city of more than 120,000 childlike people who don't yet know right from wrong, to say nothing of all the innocent animals?"" (Jonah 4:10-11, The Message)
The other morning, it was a Sunday morning to be specific, I was heading out the door to come to church and a loved one reminded me (for the fifth time) to "water the flowers and take the garbage bins to the curb". Mom and Jeff were heading to the lake for the long holiday weekend and I would be left home alone. My response was a terse "I got it". At that point the conversation cascaded into a transaction of words that were hurtful and offensive. It made me want to run away. I really don't know where I would go but it is in those times I ask God to help me keep my eyes on Him. I ask Him to remind me of the forgiveness He has made real in my life and to help me forgive again. There are times, I am sorry to say, that I don't want to spend eternity with this person. I ask for forgiveness for that. I ask for healing in my relationships. I ask God to help me love because sometimes I just don't want to. Then, that Sunday morning, Keith spoke the story of Jonah. I related to Jonah in a way I never have before. Putting myself in the story of Jonah I saw myself in the belly of the fish. The picture was clear. In the days (months and years, in my case) in the belly of the fish God is changing my heart and is teaching me about forgiveness. It is unforgiveness that keeps me bound to my "old way of thinking and doing". It is forgiveness that is setting me free. That reluctant move that God orchestrated some eight years ago brought me home to my Nineveh. I was spewed out at the doorstep of my family. I can relate to Jonah's terse message to those in Nineveh. At times my words and deeds have been less than ideal. Thankfully God has intervened anyway to change the whole dynamic of this place that I live. The place I ran away from and feared and hated for so many years is the place I call home again. I am like Jonah. I still complain. God is healing my family. One member at a time they are turning to God and away from their evil ways. He sees them as little children "who don't yet know right from wrong" as it says in the Message. I know I should be eternally grateful. But I guess I am conditionally grateful. I am so glad God doesn't love me as I love. I am so glad God loves us with a pure unconditional eternal Love. That glimmer of an understanding is what I cling to as tight as I can. I long to love like that. I am just barely starting to wrap my head around that Love. It is painful and exhilarating and awful and wonderful all at the same time. I imagine it's kind of like a ride in the belly of a big fish. There are times when I want to run away. There are times when my friends encourage me to get out. I bathe those times in prayer. I want to be where Jesus wants me. For right now I am hearing that home with my family is where God wants me. So here is where I will obediently wait and watch God change my family dynamic as we turn our eyes toward him. And I won't forget to water the flowers and take the bins to the curb. Debbie To respond to this message, email Debbie at djh_is@truthrelationshippurpose.com. |
