Our Stories
Glimpses
By Debbie Hancock | posted 04/10/2008
For the past few months I have been wrestling with God about church and all that it represents for me. I have been reading books and attending conferences that have been shaking everything up. I see people referred to in these books as: "religious refugees, sojourners, travelers in the Way of Jesus." (I count myself among them.) I have questions. What is the Kingdom of God? What is church? Is church a community of believers or a building? Can you be a member of the Kingdom and not a church member?
I admit I have had "issues" with church in the past. Nothing horrible, or scandalous, I simply felt like I was being told what to do, rather than discovering Jesus personally. (I didn't know that back then - this is a recent revelation.)
I had been "out" of church, but still a member of the Kingdom of God, for about six years when God started working on me to get "involved" with a community of believers. I tried, briefly, to come to Creekside when it first started. I lasted five weeks. My first attempt failed.
Four years later, God put in my heart an overwhelming desire to serve fellow members of the Kingdom. I had taken a Creekside pen from my first go round here. That pen sat next to my phone all those years. When I was trying to figure out where to go and serve, I saw that pen, and decided to give Creekside another try. I came back and jumped in with both feet needing, and wanting to be around "God's people." The love I experienced was like a new language to me. It's equivalent is new wine. The Holy Spirit has poured out lots of new wine for me.
I remember trying to fit in, actually buying my first pair of beige pants. I have had several shades of blonde, auburn, and red hair since I have been here, too. I now understand that God loves me and has a plan for me no matter what color my pants are or what shade of red hair I might be sporting. As long as I am open and receptive to Him, He will provide the new wineskin to hold the new wine.
God's word and His people have restored many ruined places in my life. My family has been transformed. God has touched me profoundly. My life has been turned around. He is the Love I searched for in all the drugs, sex, and unhealthy relationships in my past. I was, and continue to be, served sumptuous meals on Sunday in Worship. The message makes me ravenous for more of God. And there is a new thing that has happened. I want to talk about Him all the time. I have found healing, new relationships, my story, and a voice.
My story is sometimes more than some people want to hear - some people being mostly "church people." I have been discouraged by feeling a new kind of loneliness. It is not something I can articulate. I tried a couple times, and it didn't go well. For months I have been praying about this.
I understand now that this "feeling" is a longing making way for a new season in my relationship with God and church. It is time to move into what God has for me to do. Could it be that my "story" is for those that are where I used to be: out of church? Not out of relationship with God, just out of church. I long to go out with those "sojourners, religious refugees and travelers in the Way of Jesus" and share the everlasting Love of God that has so freely been shared with me.
Three years ago I had a dream. This was early in my return to Creekside, when I didn't know I had a story yet. I didn't know God was going to give me a voice. While I was sleeping I got a glimpse of what I have come to believe is my purpose on earth for God's Kingdom:
God gave me a garment, a coat of sorts, and told me to find someone to give it to. He sent me out to people broken by their life's experience, guilty and ashamed of all they have done to try to fill the emptiness they feel. I saw homeless people, prostitutes, those addicted to love, drugs, sex, and alcohol. I felt like I was on a treasure hunt for God's lost treasure. The only thing I had to do was to love them. Jesus and the Holy Spirit transformed them. God's grace and mercy healed them. I saw them come to understand His love. They found their story, and their voice. Many of them went out, or back to their families, and shared what God had done. I woke up exhilarated because I had seen a glimpse of the Kingdom of God. I was also a little worried and in awe that God might actually want to use me.
For a couple of years now I have been getting together with two or three people at a time to talk about Jesus and what God is up to in our lives. I have been intrigued with our different perceptions of Him. There is a level of trust that has taken time to develop. I am blessed for having taken the time, because now I have new, dear, friends and fellow sojourners. It hasn't been easy because there are times I recognize the place they are in, having been there myself, and have to resist the urge to "fix" them. It is important to let God see them through. God will do it, just as He has for me.
I have been a little confused because I keep thinking I should be "doing" more. I have come to know that Jesus and the Love we have for each other is enough. It is so simple it's hard to wrap my mind around it.
We are all in different parts of our journey. And we are in this together. The wrestling with what church represents to me is a little clearer now. It is a time of celebration. We come together and feast on God's Word and worship Him. We encourage each other and model relationships to those who have not seen or known healthy relationships. God guides us into places we have never been, and we help each other find those places. We practice our new voices and share our newly discovered stories. We encourage each other to step out and do what we were created to do. It is a safe place to be real. And it doesn't have to be just Sunday morning.
I have seen a glimpse's of God's Kingdom in hospitals, Tully's, grocery stores, my car, at Leadership Team meetings, and at Redmond Junior High. They come to us unexpectedly in everyday life. A book or a sermon can help us keep our eyes open so we don't miss those moments. I want to share with you a beautiful poem written by Archbishop Oscar Romero of El Salvador. (He was assassinated for speaking up for God's kingdom and justice in 1980.)
I am praying that you might see glimmers of the Kingdom and wrestle with God about your place in it.
It helps, now and then, to step back
and take the long view.
The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts,
it is beyond our vision.
We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of
the magnificent enterprise that is God's work.
Nothing we do is complete,
which is another way of saying
that the kingdom always lies beyond us.
No statement says all that could be said.
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confession brings perfection...
No set of goals and objectives includes everything.
This is what we are about:
We plant seeds that one day will grow.
We water seeds already planted,
Knowing they hold future promise.
we lay foundations that will need further development.
We cannot do everything
And there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.
This enables us to do something,
and to try to do it well.
It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way,
an opportunity for God's grace to enter and do the rest.
We may never see the end results...
We are prophets of a future not our own.
Debbie
To respond to this message, email Debbie at djh_is@truthrelationshippurpose.com.
