The Awesomeness of God

This season, I’ve been thinking about Alexander more than usual.

Photos from years gone by pop up on my phone, and suddenly I’m back in those final weeks of his life — the sweetness of who he was for 13 beautiful years, and the ache of watching him prepare to go home to Jesus.

Both memories live side by side: the joy of his life and the pain of his leaving. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted” (Psalm 34:18), and I feel that deeply right now.

A few days ago was especially hard. I found myself praying, almost pleading, “Lord, remind me that heaven is real. Remind me that I will see Alexander again.”

I didn’t expect an answer the same day — but God is so kind.

Later that afternoon, I had a telehealth appointment. My provider was running late, and I was his last patient. Somehow, we ended up talking about heaven and death. He shared a story about a friend who had a progressive disease that slowly took away his ability to speak. Near the very end, he couldn’t speak at all.

And yet — on the day he died — just moments before passing, he suddenly spoke in a loud, clear, fully restored voice:

“This is AWESOME!”

Hearing that stunned me. I told my provider about my prayer earlier that day. That story was God’s gentle whisper to me: “I hear you. I have not forgotten you. Heaven is real.”

Even after a lifetime in church and being raised by parents of strong faith, I still wrestle with picturing the afterlife. I bring that struggle to the Lord over and over again and He keeps meeting me with patience and love.

Just like the man in the gospels who cried, “Lord, I believe — help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24).

God doesn’t shame us for our humanity. He understands it. He meets us right inside it.

My conversation that day — the timing, the message, the unexpectedness — was a reminder that God listens when I call on Him. He knows my limits. He knows my grief. He knows what my heart needs to take the next breath.

And He loves me with no conditions.

“As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him, for He knows how we are formed.”

— Psalm 103:13–14

He makes room for my humanness. He gives me glimpses of eternity exactly when I need them. He strengthens my hope that I will see Alexander again, whole and restored, where “God will wipe every tear from my eyes” (Revelation 21:4).

One day, I believe with all my heart, I will hear my son’s voice again — joyful, free, and fully alive.

Until then, I hold on to the faithfulness of God.

Blessed be the name of the Lord. He truly is an AWESOME God!

Photo by Samuel Quek on Unsplash